i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
