trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
