bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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