His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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