Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
