I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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