i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
