Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
