if i can run in heels then i can drive
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
