Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
