i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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