He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
