I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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