how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
