dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
