my sisters under your porch take her home
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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