I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
