1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
