I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
