Where did you get a picture of my penis
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
