I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
