Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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