dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
