i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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