You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
