2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
