i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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