hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
