Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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