I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can text with my tongue
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
