I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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