Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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