Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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