He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Your penis caused this!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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