Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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