if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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