What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
