I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
