Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
