She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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