It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
