Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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