You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
