He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
