Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
