I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
