either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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