hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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