sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
