Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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